I wasn't sure if yesterday was going to go down. Since Friday I received some bot emails regarding the sale and pickup of Ryan's car but that was it. No calls. No return emails. So when my phone rang shortly before 8 am I was surprised and not ready. I hurriedly called out to Theresa for help.
I had to scramble to remove what had become a storage unit in Ryan's car, remove the Abe Pieciak sticker from the back glass, and some personals like the below which came after Ryan passed. In doing
that I had to pause and reflect on my life since 2017. The above is a keychain I received which is the etching of Ryan's signature from a letter he had sent me, and an ornament that Theresa and I found with one word, "Simplify". That was going to be our mantra moving forward from 2017. Yesterday I stopped and thought if I was in any kind of direction toward that goal.
What would "Simplify" look like? Would it be picking up and moving to the other side of the state into a big-old-money-pit, but beautiful, home? Would it be buying or holding onto cars, trucks, and boats that don't run, need help, or should maybe have just gone to lie in pasture? How about getting chickens, and dogs? And then how about all of the yard sales, flea markets, and online Marketplace and auctions that lead to just more "stuff" or a-lot of times, just "shit". Clothes that don't fit. More shoes than Imelda Marcos. And then the start, stop, and not finishing projects? And I shouldn't even begin to talk about trying to figure out professionally what I want to do when I grow up. "Simplify"? Not even close.
The tow truck driver made quick work of loading up Ryan's car and pulling away. He gave me the check for $254.00. That will go towards the new waders and that pair of wading boots that I resisted, well cheapened out, in buying before the trip down to Hilton Head last month.
Moving forward I think I have come to some realization. Something is wrong with my brain which allows me to be stuck and caught up in the chaos of living in todays world, which I really don't like.
Recently Theresa and I have been over our friends houses, three in fact, who have a healthier, and more organized, but not better, life. They have started the descent from middle age and post kids at home to downsizing, organizing, and planning for that next big chapter in life. They are positive role models, at least for me, in how to close some chapters, and start to write new ones.
Recently I found the below when it popped up on Facebook. Yes, everyday there's something we could be drawn to and repost as a "Ah-ha". But this one, to me, was good. What are we really doing here each day? And what is all really about? What is truly important in this world and in our life, which at some point, is going to end when we take our last breath, and life around us will just go on.
Now I'm not a Danny-downer but I may come off as one. I think each of us do the best we can with what we have and the tools we have been given. But why do I, and we, put so much of our energies into, that in the end really will mean nothing. Meals? Clothes? Concerts? Cars? Trucks? Nic-knacks? Houses? Second houses? Money? Phones? Cable? Fishing?, well let me hold up on that one for a bit.
I guess this year has been a "The meaning of life" kinda year. Maybe it's post mid-life crisis, although I didn't have one, maybe it's a flash of my own mortality, maybe it's just gaining some maturity and insight, as my own plane starts to descend for a landing that is of unknown date and time. I hope all of this serves me well and gets me on a path to mental and physical wellness and the realization that you can't take anything with and you come into this world with nothing and leave with nothing. I think the most important thing is time, time spent with loved ones, time helping others, and time focusing on living life and not being caught up in what life has become in these chaotic and misguided times.
So while we are only a few months out from having filled a 30 yard dumpster of stuff, it's go time again, and we are both on board. Get rid of it. Sell it if you can get a few dollars for it, or donate it for someone else to enjoy, or hoard themselves. For the 98% part, the kids don't need or want it. It will only be a burden when we are gone.
I just want to be happy and free from the web and weight of the life I have created. And of course go fishing. And all things fishing that I have acquired, way to much then I need, need to be whittled down to some rods, some waders, a stripping basket, and maybe a working boat or two to enjoy and make memories of enjoying the real world around us. Okay, I'm done with all that. Just my two cents.