Death and dying. It's a topic most people avoid talking about and surely don't want to be involved in. This year has been a year of death and dying, well, at least death and dying has been on my mind. It used to be just part of my routine. Fire, EMS, hospital, news photography. Between the four I have had my fill. Then Ryan's death in 2017 brought it close to home. Add in 9/11 and Katrina, which was widespread death, and there you go. I have to say I've always been fascinated with death and dying, more-so in peoples reaction to it, what it means for and to them, and what does life, in general mean for all of us.
I started to get bummed when the flash floods killed seven just across the river from my house last month. I felt compelled to search for the two missing children, ages 2 and 9 months. Thankfully the 2 year-olds body was found a week later in Philadelphia, over 30 miles from where the family car got swamped. The 9 month old has not be found to this date.
Thankfully, luckily, our family has not had to deal with death due to violence, like murder, kidnapping, or an accident caused by DUI. I think that just might be what would send me off the edge and most likely land me in jail. I firmly believe in "an eye for an eye".
Just this past weekend there were two fatal fires in South Jersey and the victims ranged from infant to into their seventies. In the daily online newspapers there are stories about accidents, murders, suicides, and deaths by natural causes. The more famous you are, or the more juicy a story about the death is, the better chance it'll get some play in the news, it's like ones 15 minutes of fame.
In the end we all die. If you look at that stadium above, which holds over 50,000 people on any given NFL Sunday, everyone there will die. And, probably statistically, several of them will die in just weeks from when that photo is taken. I think we all know that but don't like to think of it. Just think, every person in your family is going to die. They aren't all going to die in some nice order with the eldest going first and then working it's way down the line. That would be easy and easy to cope with. Nope, we are no different than the other animals that we co-exist with in the world. Just look at a National Geographic show one day, like one from the Africa. The lions pick out the sick, lame, lazy and the young. Then the hyenas pick out the sick, lame and lazy lions. It's the circle of life. It is what it is.
So why, if we know we are all going to die, are we surprised or shocked when it happens? I think just because we know doesn't equate to how we are going to react when someone we love gets called back home, which for me would be to God and hopefully heaven.
Upon returning from Hilton Head this past week I got a text from my friend and boss that her daughter had passed away. She was 37 years young and had fought the tough fight against cancer. This was the 8th funeral for me since the spring, and the hardest one yet. There's something about burying our children that's just not an easy thing to do, some say the hardest thing to do, no matter what line of work you're in, like for us, healthcare. I watched the other day as my friend laid her daughter to rest, and watched a few months back when Delaware Joe buried his son.
The service was really beautiful. Held at a Baptist church in Red Bank it was a celebration of a good life, but the underlying emotion of sadness, as expected was palpable. There were speakers, who knocked it out of the park, as did my friend speaking about her beloved daughter.
And then it got me to thinking.
Yes, I have buried one child already. My family is extended and large, and spread out far and wide. I don't want to be sick and demented, but, you know what I am saying. I am lucky enough to have my parents still alive and kicking, and I say that meaning they are active and engaged, going through some stuff, but good to go for now. My siblings are aging as I am, and it's usually in our 40, 50's and beyond where those health kinda things start creeping up. And I believe, but don't practice, "Health is wealth", I do believe that.
Thinking of death, well my death, makes me ponder, and I've been doing a lot of pondering lately, my life, past present, and who knows how much of a future I have left. I think of all the good, and bad, things and decisions I have made. What if I did this. What if I did that. How would my life have been different. Would it be better- what does better even mean. But most importantly, have I done more good than bad, and have I made more people comfortable and happy than not.
And in the thinking of death, I can't help but think of life. Living. Living in today's world. How I dislike so many things, things you just can't escape because that's the way the world is now. I have spent my life falling into so many of the traps that have been set for us by things that are trying to control us. Now I'm not psychotic and I don't believe in conspiracy theories, but I do feel, money, politics, society, and now social media and technology, are breaking the fabric of the human condition and it's something I just don't want to be a part of anymore.
We work our whole lives to be happy. Many of us working in jobs that actually take away from our happiness, but provide for our loved ones. A lot of that "providing" is for the very things that are more material than an opportunity or experience. I know, I can't think of how much money I have wasted on material things over the years, houses, new clothes, new cars, mulch, Pyrex, Lionel trains, and all of the flea markets and yard sales. If I could only have that money back and a redo. And don't get me started on food, and going out eat, you know food that stays in our bodies for a few days.....I just can't.
Last night on Facebook I saw the above post. Estate Sale. Colts Neck. A good one. Full of just about everything I love. Lots of camera equipment. Pyrex. A Cub Cadet tractor. I always loved estate sales, until they made me feel creepy. I would get there on a Friday morning and hope to get in line before the dealers. I did that for years running to the attics or basement to find those old Lionel trains. That was before eBay, Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace. But then estate sales made me sad. Usually somebody passed away, the family was stuck with all of this sh%t, and this was the way the persons possessions were going to get a second chance at life before they hit the dumpster. And that brings me to the above verse from Timothy, "For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out".
So as I sat and listened this past Saturday about living a full life and preparing for when we are called home, I asked myself, am I ready? Well only God knows that, but like, do I have my shit in order enough not to burden my wife and kids. Absolutely not. Finances- a mess. Stuff- too much and a total mess. The house and the projects- well I love my house but most projects unfinished. And legal stuff and passwords ect- who knows. And then the big question while sitting there, if we are so moved by the passing of our loved ones, have I done the best I can and be since Ryan died? Wouldn't he be enough of a motivation?
Am I happy? Am I doing good things? Making a difference? Making others lives better and easier? And I happy or always just settling or running to something, but in the end just really running away from something else.
Going forward, I have to do better. I have to be ready for whatever life, and God, have in store for me and my family. Life is great. Life can suck sometimes. But living is better than dying, unless you believe that this life is just preparing us for our next life. That would be pretty wild.
One thing I have always believed, are the best times, and the best gifts, are those that involve time. Taking the time, creating the time, and giving our time to our loved ones and even strangers. Time creates memories and memories create and validate a life well lived. You can't plan and wait for that right time, we are all up against the clock and God's plan, or just the clock if you pass on the God thing.
So take some time before you are out of time. You never know when it's coming. Take some time off. Go see family. Give your old friend a call. Go on a vacation. Do something for yourself. Do something for others. If you don't what will people say about you at your own funeral.
Sorry to be a Danny Downer but it's been on my heart and mind.
And to lighten it up here's Woody's take on what he hopes his next life...
