Yes they say time heals all wounds. It kinda does because that day of suck, whatever it was, is always worse on Day 1 then it is seven years later. And that goes for the good things in life as well. Dating and the big wedding day rather than....well you know. But, either way, one things is for sure, life really just goes too dam quick and if you don't steer it in your right direction you just remain on another course and wind up some where you would rather not be. That's in your head, in your marriage, your job, or where you sleep each night.
It's been been seven years since Theresa woke me up and told me about Ryan down in the basement. And since then it's been a roller coaster of emotion regarding Ryan, how it affected my family, suicide, and how I perceive and process other peoples suck and trauma that each of has or will experience in life. In the end we all have to acknowledge where in this together and everyday we will meet someone who is having their worst day, or maybe the anniversary of their worst day.
I chose the top photo to remember Ryan this day as it was a good day. It's somewhere around 2000-2001. It was another day when the boys would come and visit me at the firehouse in Newark. This one on Mulberry and Lafayette Streets where the Prudential Center now sits. So that's a loss. And that's me as a fireman in Rescue 1, some of the best times of my life were in that role, and that's a loss. I see I have on a new and shiny front piece which replaced one that was all beat up from fire duty, and not going to fires for the last 19 years since retirement, is another loss. If I look closely I can see my Essex County College Nursing School pin on my helmet, funny how I'm still connected to that school these days.
And maybe the biggest loss, besides Ryan not being around, for like yesterday to help me with our yard sale, is just being "that guy" to my kids. Yes, we want them to grow and do their own thing but there is also a loss when times like in the above picture are just a memory. I thought about taking off work today and going fishing. I do that on Ryan's Anniversary but I have to work to do and today falls on a work day. I'll remember him, and the suck that today was seven years ago, and try to do for others in some way.
If I had to say what losing a child is like, and I guess it can be the same for any great loss. It's like going into heart failure. If your heart is supposed to pump with 100% of force, after losing a kid it's like 50%. Your heart still beats and you get by, but everyday it's lets you know it's not at 100%.
RIP buddy Ryan Michael Archer 8/18/96- 9/23/17