What kind of miserable bastard hates Father's Day? Before I wax poetic let me first wish all of the Father's out there a happy one. I hope you get a day to do what you want, hopefully fishing, and spending it with your own Dad or the kids that call you Dad. I am blessed, at 57, to still have my Dad around, and will spend the afternoon over at his house. Something I've done, and made a priority to do so, for as long as I can remember. Boy, times have changed.
Father's Day 2024, with my brother Ryan
And having your Dad around is truly a blessing. Parent-child relationships come in all sorts of kinds, from bad to great, and everything in between. That goes for the Moms and well as the Dads. I know plenty of people who's parents, let's just talk Dad's here today, who have passed away, and for some leaving an indelible hole in their lives, minds, and hearts. Hey, your Dad is your Dad. While I may not see mine everyday life's just better knowing he's around, of course if I need him, and second watching him now fully retired and ready to begin those Golden Years of living.
Theresa and her parents, Florida, late 1970's
People lose their fathers at all ages. My own daughter lost her biological Dad at 8, and it's a void I will never be able to fill. My Mom and Theresa lost their's in their twenties, that would mean, for me, I would have been 30 years without mine around. And for the later two their Mom's passed away around that time as well, so no parents for most of their lives. I can't imagine what that is like.
Father's Day, for me, comes in two parts. Being a son of a Dad, and being a Dad to my children. Like I said before, there are certain days that you just make a priority, and Father's Day should be one of them. They used to be, in the good, well better, younger years of life, a time when time spent was more valuable then anything else, well those handmade cards we all
made when we were kids were priceless. I think that's where I get all anti-ed and melancholy about. Rather than cherish those memories it's more about wishing those days were still around, when the kids were young and I felt more needed, loved, and relevant. That's just me being in my own head.
I have had, and continue to have, the pleasure of being in several Father roles. Biological, adopted, and step. I have to say I hate titles- I hate the word "step" when it comes to describing both parents and children alike. But some need to do that, and demand it, out of respect for those that share the same bloodline. But if you've been a "step" and have "steps" as I have, a stepchild with a stepparent, as you grow and mature you realize, that titles just get in the way, and can cause a barrier to those who have served you well, and continue to do so. But I get it, blood is thicker than water.
So the crew above is my clan. Sean, Tara, Patrick, Lauren, Ryan, Erin and Juliet. This is one of my favorite pictures taken in March of 2016, a year before Ryan took his own life. He's still my kid, and me his Father, as I hope one day when it's my turn to go, I'll be reunited with him, in Heaven, where he'll introduce me to his buds as, "Hey, this is my Dad". One thing I can say about divorce and blended families is they are great, and then they are not, but only for a few tides, but they do change the dynamics. And dynamics get in the way as the kids get older.
I remember the early years, when the kids were young, and before divorce and the two house set-up. Father's and Mother's Day were days, and they were good days. Taking the kids shopping for a gift, helping them pick out or make a card, waking up extra early to make breakfast or go and grab bagels, and then figuring out where we were going to make sure
we checked off all the Father's or Mother's Day visits. If I remember, back in the good old days, there were no excuses, it was like a mandatory thing, but maybe I'm delusional. I remember breakfast in bed, opening the gifts, and just feeling all warm and fuzzy about being a Father.
Then life happens. Kids would come and go split between the two houses, well, in my case, it would later become three houses. It was all good, cause the kids were then now adolescents, old enough to be anti or annoying, but not that old that you couldn't control, or coerce them into being a part, and smiling for the camera. Those early days are when I felt like a Dad, a protector,
Sean and Ryan, Father's Day, around 2000
a provider, and someone working hard to ensure they had clothes, food, shelter, and help with a life plan. I always hoped I was doing the best that I could for all of them, regardless of the role or title I held.
And then it all goes to shit, at least in my opinion. The only thing a good parent wants for their children is for them to grow up, move out, make good decisions, and be happy and live their best life. While I am part of the shitty I buried a child club, I have several friends who have been tested to the gills with their children who are struggling and juggling, and or, depend on the grandparents to be the parents. Helping out is great, but boy is it hard for them to live their best life when their kids have including them in their life plan. And the financial support can extend way beyond what we used to say, "Eighteen and out".
"Well the kids have their own lives now", really. If it's not one excuse it's another. Add to that any difference of opinion in the family about politics and social bullshit, raising children, vaccines, etc., and you have a better chance of seeing Jesus then you do your kids on Father's Day, or any of the used-to-be-mandatory-attendance days. Oh, Bah Humbug. I swear life used to be better.
So that brings us to Father's Day 2025. I can't tell you how many times I've been in the company, or received the phone a few days before Father's Day, "Hey, what's going on for Father's Day?". And boy that gets my goat. While I should, these days, be happy that we are still in the equation, there seems to be a under current like, "Hey, what are you doing for or with us on Father's Day?". And if a visit to a restaurant is in the equation, guess who's footing the bill? That's no matter that the kid dropped $150 this week on Amazon or Temu. And in response I hear guys answer, or have said, "Yeah, no big deal, I'll see you when I see you", or, "I don't have to see you ON Father's Day", or, "I understand". You know what, "Fuck that", that's what I say. Yes the kids go on to have kids, and then they are or are married to a Dad, but you know what, there's only one OG, or a close replacement, that should be front and center that day. Those are my thoughts and mine alone.
These days those hand made cards are replaced with the above, a text message, on what should really be a day where a tad more effort is expended. If you're lucky, or if I'm lucky, I'll get a call from one, some, or none of them, but I will get the texts I'm sure.
Some say that the day is no big deal. Just another Hallmark money grab day from back in the day. Yes, it only takes a minute to become a Dad, actually, but if people only knew the responsibility, work, worry and mental anguish that comes with all the good then it might require a little more effort and appreciation. If you're that guy who can't relate to this post, I applaud you and am envious, and enjoy your day. For the rest of you I hope you know you are appreciated and good job for a very, very difficult job well done.