If you haven't ventured into the world of selling things online, my advice, stay away. I say that because things are getting worse, like everything else in this world. Yes, people have been slaughtered during meetups since Craigslist first came around and the butchering continues from time to time with Facebook Marketplace. But that's not the reason I say stay away. Although, I have to say, the other day I had a sale that made me, the seller, uncomfortable. I sold a Pier 1 table and chair set. It used to be my fly tying desk. Too big and too heavy to move to South Carolina I figured I'll just get something new down there. And who knows if it would even fit. I've had this the late 1990's so for $75 I was fine with it.
So a woman reaches out to me that she'd like to buy it and pick it up. Perfect. I listed it as "Pending" and waited for the pick up at the house. Now, picture this. Me. Old. Kinda overweight. Double chin. Unshaven. Just ugly. Working in the yard picking up sticks. Probably on day 3 unshowered with the same clothes on. Most likley with a pizza grease stain running down the center of my chest. And who shows up? Well, a young 20-something year old girl in tight yoga paints, who was a yoga instructor from Brooklyn, alone in her Honda Civic.
It was funny because she rolled out of the car like she had done this 1,000 times. No fear. Just picking up a table. I was uncomfortable from the jump and even had a hard time forming words. Adorable. Yes. Yoga paints. Check. But this is not a creeper thing. I have daughters that age. It's just, I don't know, after a million episodes of kidnapping and murder and law and order shows it almost felt like it was a set up.
We started to figure out how to put down her seats and move stuff in her car and I'm telling her about my kids and my wife.....and then,"Hold on for a minute". And I went into the house and got Theresa. Phew..... I felt better the moment I introduced them to each other. But I just couldn't imagine a young woman driving into the country, rolling up into a long-drivewayed house, seeing the mess that I am, and being comfortable with even stopping. It was almost like you could stereotype a crime victim. When she pulled away I was relieved, and $75 richer, well not really, she Zelled Theresa the money, which, I'll never see.
I sold the tractor and seven attachments. He must have asked 500 questions which I didn't know the answers to. "But how do you set up the hydraulics?" As he inquired about everything the price just kept dropping in my head and all I could see was all of this shit gone. When it came to the price, "How about $800?". SOLD. And we loaded it up.
I try and tell buyers the truth, always, about things I'm selling. Even the Jeep that sold. I told the guy, "You don't want this". But no matter how I tried to explain to him what a harmonic balancer is and what it could mean, as far as repairs, he bought it. I took off $100 to show I cared and to help him with the tow or the repairs. That's on you bro.
Then I had the snowblower. Probably had it for 20 years. It really helped out during this years snowmagedans. But towards the end it started to act wonky and wanted to cut off each time I engaged the blades. I put it up for $200 thinking a small engine guy or girl would grab it and do their thing. Nope. I get a retired printer from South Jersey who came with his adult-basement-living son in their Prius. WTF? I tried to talk him out of it. Nope. Okay. SOLD. Good luck.
The last big item, before I go and list the jet boat, is my Lionel train collection. I put that up for $7,000 and just dropped it to $6,500. I had a dream, or a nightmare, the other night that they didn't sell and I packed them up and brought them south only to finally be able to enjoy them in my old age. The problem is the places we're looking at are 1,200 square feet with no basement and no attic. So, forget it.
But buyers can be brutal, or nuts, or both. Here's a reply I got to the train listing. It was out of the blue and just a thoughtful message from someone who probably wants to buy it but can't or won't. There's a couple of reasons why people don't buy, they don't have the cash, or their significant others won't let them. So here's the love I felt....
WTF? Okay. Don't know where that came from. But then there's the people who I try and have patience with. This lady wants the sofa, she thinks. We've been back and forth 100 times...
What do you do with that? In addition she asks if I'll deliver it. A sectional that measures 100 feet long by 50 feet wide with 50 cushions. I grabbed this when my parents downsized. It's been in our family for twenty years. The problem is if I put it in a dumpster and it rains not only will it take up too much room but it'll weigh 1,000 pounds if it gets wet. Somebody please come get this? Aren't there college kids who need this for their Animal House?
And then there's people who are experts in things, while I am not. I've been holding on to Ryan's guitar since his death. I'll never play it and figured someone who's in the know will. It ones of those things, like kids things are tough to part with, but dead kids things are really hard. So it would have been easier to just list it and have some one come pick it up.....but.
So here comes Eric Clapton, a nice guy I might add, with 1,000 questions and picture requests. "What about the neck?". I didn't know if it was about the guitar or a line from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, "Save the neck for me Clark."....
"Move the camera to the right and show the first 12 frets.". Frets? What's a fret?. I fret listing anything else on FBM. Anyway, needless to say, it's still sitting on the couch that the lady says she wants, desperately. And then there's always the dreaded.....
If you list on Facebook Marketplace you'll get 1,000 of these with each listing, no matter if you write you won't respond to, "Is this still available?". Or you'll get just a lowball offer no matter what the item is listed for. Those are my favorite, because if and when you say "Yes", they never respond back.
The fly anglers are pretty easy to deal with. I listed the Fly Tester on one day and it was gone the next. In fact, it'll be picked up today. $75. Easy peasy. done deal.
So I warn you when and if you use FBM when you downsize or just purge all of the shit you have collected over your years on earth, and the stuff your kids and parents have left you, after they collected over their years on earth. Yes, there's deals to be had and there's people looking. And as far as pricing? Most people who list are just trying to get rid of stuff, while the buyers are either looking for something, are a dealer or flipper, or have a hoarding mental disorder. You'll know if you got good stuff because your Messenger will blow up as will the click count rises quickly.
After I listed my Pyrex collection it hit 2,500 clicks before the lady drove 3-1/2 hours from Maryland on a Friday night to make the 11 pm deal. That kind of traffic means you either got something real good or you priced it way too low.
So if you're about 60, or 70, or 80..it's time. What are you waiting for? All the shit your kids have left for you to deal with is ready to be Facebooked or dumpstered. I'm not even talking just about the old report cards and arts and crafts from when they were in kindergarten. Get rid of it all, or tell them to come and get it. At your age your basically just running a self-storage unit that is costing you a small fortune if you have a mortgage, or not. And the tools, and the wood, and the projects....you're too old these days. Those were the days but they are over.
One of my last sales was just that, another great loser idea of a project I had in my head. I picked this wood up about six years ago, for free, like Sanford & Son, from an estate sale. It was going to be the wood shed I needed to cover our firewood. Yeah, had that go?
I listed it for $20 bucks and threw in a set of saw horses I've had in my yard for the last 8 years. Within seconds I had hits and a few hours later a nice young guy came and picked it all up. I saw myself in him from way back when. A wife in the front seat, two kids in the back, and a small trailer used to pick up way too much "stuff". When I saw the smile on his face and he said, "This is like gold", I knew I was looking at someone who could be mental like me. But when he said, "I'll send you a picture after it's done", meaning a chicken coop, I knew it wasn't me, because the me would get this stuff and just leave it housing rodents and rotting away waiting for the day when I did something with it. And with me that day usually never comes.